Is it just me or does this add seem a little like my Truth about bottled water rant?

I grew in a house where there where 3 things you could count on being there when you sat down to the thanksgiving table. Turkey of course , mashed potatoes, and of course a big gravy boat to smother it all in. I call it the holy trinity of thanksgiving, they compliment each other so well. And I dont mean that damn chunks of meat thrown into some water gravy i mean brown gravy with real live lumps. Sure there where other side dishes like stuffing, vegetables of different kinds or that damn odd ball casserole , but i avoided all of that. Then the days that followed Thanksgiving where like heaven , every day i could go to the fridge grab some turkey slap it on some bread then spread a thin layer of mashed potatoes over it like your spreading mayonnaise and pour the gravy to it. To hell with those other leftovers, the holy trinity was all i needed.

As i got older i started dating which of course led me to having thanksgiving at the families of my girlfriends on several occasions. My first year at a girlfriends house i walk in to see one hell of a spread food as far as you could see on the table but where the hell was the turkey? Instead in the middle of the table was a big country ham!!!! Panic set in and i began to sweat , just what the hell kind of communistic family was this? I made it through dinner all the time thinking they where about to bring out the turkey. Now let me tell you ham doesn't taste anywhere as good as turkey when its smothered in gravy but i managed as long as i had the mashed potatoes and gravy i could at least make due.

The next year it was a different girlfriend and the nightmare continued only this time it was worse! In the center of the table was this tear drop shaped thing covered in pineapples, cherries , and some sort of funky sugar glaze glistening in the light. What the hell was this creature and why was it taking up the turkeys spot? I had never seen a honey glazed canned ham before , personally i never want to see one again. Seriously if the damn thing looks so bad you have to sell it in a sealed can so you cant see it before you are ready to eat it , that should be a sign something is wrong!! Then to cover it in fruit? WTF its like throwing little chunks of meat into your fruit salad!! Again that year the potatoes and gravy saved me again, i slathered some potatoes on my roll and drenched it in my tear filled gravy and took it like a trooper.

These thanksgiving disappointments went on throughout the years as i was introduced to each new families customs. Luckily i never again came into contact with that damn canned ham nightmare but there was always something missing. One year i saw someone digging stuffing out of the ass of a turkey and that was right up there with the canned ham. Im a stove top type of guy , theres something about cooking bread crumbs inside the carcass of the animal im about to eat that doesnt appeal to me.

Then came the year i first went to my wifes parents house ,it started out great, i walked in and saw a golden brown deep fried turkey sitting there waiting to be carved and hell even a country ham too. The assembly line began with a row of people lining up to fill their plates i piled the turkey on then to be polite i took a sample of a unidentified casserole. I looked side to side and i didnt see any mashed potatoes so i asked my wife, which she replied " oh we dont do mashed potatoes, we do home made noodles" . My brain took a few minutes to process it as i held up the line , i thought " what the fu@% who the hell eats Fu@% noodles!!! where the hell where the Italian pilgrims?" Again to be nice i scooped a small amount of noodles on my plate and went on to my seat. As i sat down i looked around and no gravy boat to be see panic began to sit in, i asked my wife and she said "oh its over by the stove". I sighed in relief , at least i had turkey and gravy but when i got to the stove i see a bowl with what looks like old fry grease with little chunks of old fries or something still swimming around. Back to my wife i went, i told her i couldn't find it and she directed me back to the grease looking bowl which she explained was giblit gravy. Could it really be that i had finally come across a family that ignored two of the holy trinity!!!! i had found the nexus of thanksgiving hell !!!!!! I actually went out that night and bought a swansons turkey dinner in an vain filled attempt to fill the void that this had created. I told the misses of her families horrible thanksgiving ways the next day and the next year the mashed potatoes did magically arrive but still only that grease looking stuff for gravy.

Two years of complaining and finally i saw a lonely sauce pan sitting on the stove on thanksgiving day. Was it true was it really true could it be i finally got them converted to having the full holy trinity together on thanksgiving day? I poured it on ever thing on my plate smothering it all. With the first bite i could tell something was wrong , this was not ordinary gravy this had come from a can , they thought they could pacify me with canned gravy?!?!?!?!? how dare they insult the holy trinity with this impostor!!!! I checked the trash when i scrapped my plate and sure enough there was the empty can of gravy. Damn them.

It took 4 years of trying and my wifes grandfather getting remarried until i would see the true holy trinity once again. Seems my wifes grandfathers new bride was a bit of the old school cook and she might be the one to save me from this unholy thanksgiving terror. When i showed up her first thanksgiving with us i saw the gravy boat sitting on the table before i even got thought the front door. And yes it was real gravy with real lumps not canned, not grease with hunks of meat in it but real gravy. She had truly answered my thanksgiving prayers. Today i shall again go to my wifes grandparents house but this year i will bow my head and say thanks as i dine on the the true holy trinity of thanksgiving.

Well its thanksgiving time again, and as i do with all holidays i want to know their origins. The more i dig the more i see that every American Holiday seems to be secretly based upon the fact some poor bastards life got destroyed for it and thanksgiving is no exception.

So depending on the school book you pick up it teaches us that thanksgiving got started by the pilgrims having a feast with the native American Indians right? And how wonderful life was with pretty little cornucopias of food spilling out over a table full of happy people. But there just might be a little more to that fairy tale.

First take the pilgrims, what exactly was a pilgrim? They where hardcore religious group of sexually repressed, uptight, rejects that left Europe because they were even to uptight for the English. ( much like the republican party ) Then you invite the Wampanoag tribe of native American Indians that were a group of pagan hunter/gathers. Depending on which history book you follow these two groups of people sat down and had a big feast to celebrate the years harvest. A little nugget of history that the cartoonish depiction we see of peace and joy between to totally different people seems to overlook is just how did these two people hook up? I mean you have a serious language issue not to mention the whole religious thing and all , just what did bridge the gap between loin cloth wearers and goofy guy with belt buckle on their hats?

One word Squanto Patuxet Native American indian that helped the Pilgrims the first winter they spent in the new world. I find it funny how most books i read say Squanto "helped" the pilgrims , but from my perspective the word "helped" means something entirely different. See Sqaunto was a slave that managed that had been kidnapped from his tribe then shipped to england to be enslaved as a worker for the uptight brits. Looking at his history on wiki shows he got bought and sold several times and ended up in good ole john smiths possession. ( you know that famous history guy from jamestown) Squanto finally in 1618 ended up finally getting to go back to his homeland and his tribe only to find they where all dead from a plague. Then he somehow ends up helping the pilgrims and inevitably coordinating the first feast which we end up calling thanksgiving. Squanto died in 1622 after suffering from a fever and some speculate he was poisioned by the sachem tribe since hell who can trust an idian that would hang out with the repiublicans? ( Sorry meant to say pilgrims).

So in a nut shell thanks giving is here because some poor bastard named Squanto, got kidnapped, enslaved , his entire tribe of people wiped out , then poisoned by people of his kind. As your thinking of this and poor Squanto one has to wonder how did this mutate into a holiday where you whack the head off a turkey and shove bread up its ass.

Thu Nov 15, 10:05 PM ET

CLIO, Mich. - A police officer checking on a truck that got stuck in the mud at a city park was startled to find a 13-year-old boy behind the wheel. The boy's father, who was sitting in the passenger seat, told police he had had too much to drink and let his son drive. The boy had been drinking, too, police said.

"(The boy) even said he didn't want to drive because he was too drunk," McLellan told The Flint Journal for a story published Thursday.

Click here for the rest of the story on yahoo take that google hehehe

Ive been quiet lately because ive come to the conclusion Google has black balled me and im thinking what the hells the point? Back in may i did a 2 part blog called "Google hates me and thinks im gay"

"Part 1"

" Part 2"" .

Since then i had started to get some decent site hits so i finally began to believe i had made it out of google hell , that is until last week. See google has a little utility called webmaster tools where they log things for you like statistics for your site, keywords, site traffic and what not. last week i checked my top search queries which is the top key word combinations people searched for using google that listed baddrink.com in the results and i got this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you that dont know how to read that pic , let me break it down for you , if you where to type in the words " Midget donkey porn" into the google search engine the 11th result would be baddrink.com! If you did the same for the words " Gay bestiality" this site would be the 31st to come up, even better "clown and midget action" would rank baddrink.com as the 4th place in all of the internet to look for clown and midget action!!!!! My first thoughts where what have i done to deserve this wrath google has placed upon me, what have i done to be scorned by the google gods as the place to look for midgets and clowns getting it on??? My next thought was just who the hell i looking for this kind of thing?

I feel like bartleby and lokey in the movie Dogma , the great god google who once loved me has now cast me to the sides with the commoners the filth pedlers. Do i have to wait for George Carlin to bless some internet hub so i can once again pass through into google heaven? And once again be in the good graces of Google? Oh great google gods i would ask for your mercy but , i see that baddrink.com no longer comes up on those queries but whats to stop you from doing it again? How many website lives have been cut short by your wrath? How many have angered you by not sacrificing my linux server on all hallows eve? How many have you laid your wrath upon for using ask.com instead of your search engine? I denounce thee oh great google you have given me no choice i am now an internet search engine agnostic.

I guess im behind on my important news , i mean i know about the fires in California, the war, and all but not the most important news that Harry Potter Character Dumbledore is a peter puffer. I mean this gives the whole chamber of secrets a whole new meaning. Personally i never got into any of the Harry potter series and well telling me the old man that runs the school for the little magical kiddies is gay probably didnt increase the chances of me actually ever reading any of the series. The term headmaster has a whole new meaning to me thanks to this news. Now im betting there are a ton of bible thumpers out there picking up thier first copy of the potter series just to look for that one secret hidden inappropriate moment between Dumbledore and one of his students so they can say "SEE I TOLD YOU HARRY POTTER WAS THE DEVIL!!!"

Heres a link to the story LA times story

On average i receive at least six e-mails a week bitching about how much illegal immigrants are costing this country. And i cannot believe no one has realized that these immigrants are the solution to one of this countries biggest problems right now. Currently the eastern part of the U.S. is experiencing a massive drought and Texas is experiencing heavy flooding. About 50% of the illegals are coming across in Texas then migrating upwards towards the eastern part of the U.S. the solution is easy. Send them buckets lots and lots of five gallon buckets.......

Seriously though I dont really have an opinion on the whole illegal immigrants thing but it got me to thinking of a little thing i like to call math. Now this same person who sent me these e-mails also sends me on average at least 5 e-mails a day with jokes, links, funny pictures, etc. So thats 25 e-mails a week to me , times 52 weeks in a year is 1300 e-mails , then multiply that by ten since they are always addressed to nine other people and you have 13,000 e-mails. Thats only if it stops with the ten its addressed to but lets say all ten follow the instructions at the bottom of every damn e-mail they get and they forward it on to five of their friends and this goes on 5 times, so thats 13,000 to the fifth power or 3,721,293,000,000,000,000,000.

Each one of these e-mails takes about 5 minutes to read/watch/whatever which comes out to 30,941,083,333,333,333,333.33 hours of time spent reading them. Lets say only half of the people receiving those e-mails get them at work , and all together the average wage for these people is ten bucks an hour that comes out to $154,705,416,666,666,666,666.66!!!! Lets say only half of those people live in the US ( which is being generous i think ) so now we are down to a measly $77,352,708,333,333,333,333.33 dollars in revenue lost per year due to wasted time reading forwarded e-mails. Say it with me thats 77 quintillion dollars thats 77 billion billions, ive never even heard of a number that big i even had to look it up. The number on the last e-mail i received bitching about illegal immigrants said they cost the U.S. 338.3 billion a year thats less then 4% of 77 quintillion!!!

Don't bother deporting the illegal immigrants they are chump change just get rid of those damn people forwarding these G** D*** e-mails!!!

Oh and before i forget you need to now e-mail this to 5 of your closest friends in less then 5 minutes of reading this or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life ....heheheh

This morning i was walking around work and i noticed 4 different people entering codes off of Macdonald's Monopoly game pieces when they should have been working. Just for the hell of it i checked ebay to see what results " Mcdonald's monopoly" would give me. Over 196 items and most of them where the list of the rare game codes ranging in price from 99 cents to 4 bucks!!!! Have people really gotten so damn lazy they cant put down their fries long enough to type Mcdonald's monopoly into a search engine? Heres the list you lazy asses.......

Other than Boardwalk, all of the rare pieces are alphabetically the last in their set.